The Benefits of Speaking Your Truth
In order to speak your truth, you have to first know who you are.
I believe we are here to drop off our gifts to the world, not to collect anything. However, we can’t know our gifts if we don’t know ourselves. The problem is we aren’t conditioned to know ourselves deeply. We are told how to behave and what to say that is acceptable, and will allow us to feel safe and loved. We are taught to conform to the system not how to be our own unique expression in the world. I never felt worthy of love and felt I had to work extra hard in order to earn it.
I grew up in a household where my mother gave and gave to everyone else and ended up feeling depleted and frustrated. She didn’t take care of herself and her needs and although she wasn’t aware of it, she ended up asking her children to pick up the pieces. From a young age, I was conditioned to tread lightly, don’t make waves, and be good in hopes that I wouldn’t trigger my mother’s rage. I was extremely sensitive to mother’s needs and wanting to keep the peace, so much so that I had no idea what I needed.
My inability to speak up for myself and my needs got significantly worse when I became a mother myself and stopped working. I no longer had my big business career to validate me. My sole purpose in life was to be a “perfect” mom and meet the needs of my children. My own needs and desires kept taking more and more of a back seat until I no longer had any idea what I wanted and needed in life. I gave all of myself to my children, my husband and my friends in a desperate need to please, be validated and feel loved.
Of course we are animals after all and our needs must be met, so I ended up in patterns of manipulation and control, defending myself against the feelings of stress and depletion from giving away more than I could bear. I felt unfulfilled and exhausted and couldn’t really understand why. So often, I found myself saying “yes”, when I desperately wanted to say “no”, never wanting to do anything to offend or upset anyone.
This people pleasing, over giving pattern eventually led me to a suicidal depression. By abandoning myself and my needs I had become completely disempowered. I remember when I was seeing one of my many therapists (it takes a village to heal) and she asked me what I wanted. I burst into tears, screaming, “I have no idea!”. I had lost myself, who I was, what I wanted out of life, and why I was here in the first place.
I believe we are all like beautiful presents, all wrapped up, waiting to be opened so that we can share our gifts and magic with the world. Finding your voice is about getting to know yourself better, opening up the present that is you, so you can share your gifts with the world.
What are the benefits of Finding Your Voice and why is it so important?
You Can Be Yourself Fully
Especially as women, we seem to be conditioned to always be thinking about the other, what are their needs and how can we help. Perhaps this comes from our core value and role as the caretakers on the planet. However, it seems to have been pushed to an extreme where we have lost sight of our own needs and desires. Finding Your Voice is about befriending yourself and understanding what you want out of life. This is your one, crazy, beautiful life – how do you want to live it? As you gain greater self awareness and self acceptance, you will find that truly listening to yourself allows you to fully be yourself and ask for what you need and want with clarity.
You Can Share Your Gifts With the World
We are all here for a reason and we all have important and unique gifts to share. If we stay focused on the other then it’s hard to discover these gifts. If you aren’t listening to yourself and meeting your own needs then you end up in a depleted state, desperately searching for others to sustain you. When we are shut down and defended we can’t access our gifts. So often we are operating from a place of survival, seeking to meet our needs as best we can, and aren’t able to open our hearts and our minds. When you Find Your Voice, you are really finding yourself. When you discover the jewel that is you, you will find the confidence to live your purpose, the ability to create what you want and share your gifts with the world.
You Have Better Relationships and More Intimacy
So often we focus on the other because looking at ourselves can bring up pain and grief, as we process, remember and feel our unmet needs. This is a necessary part of the process and we can do it with a lot of compassion and love. In fact, it is when we take responsibility for this healing process, caring for and loving ourselves, that we open the door for others to treat us with the same love and respect. Others will treat us as we treat ourselves. If we don’t respect our boundaries and our needs no one else will either. When we don’t take care of ourselves we will unconsciously ask others to do this, just as my mother did with me. As you Find Your Voice, you develop more intimacy with others because you have developed this intimacy with yourself. You don’t feel the need to hide or protect the painful and hurt parts of you, because you are befriending them yourself and offering yourself what you need to heal them. You aren’t unconsciously asking others to take care of you and this leads to stronger and better relationships. Others will feel closer to you when you find the courage to speak your truth and ask vulnerably for what you need.