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Dear Soul Sister,

I don’t know about you but I feel like every day I am being tested… There are so many unexpected things happening in the world and I feel like the lesson I am being asked to learn is to let go of this illusion of control.

I’ve spent so much energy in my life trying to have things be the way I want them to be. It’s exhausting and frustrating and yet it somehow makes me feel good to keep trying harder.

What I am realizing is that being in the flow is really about accepting things as they are and not needing to be in control all the time. This is easier said than done since my value was tied up in my ability to get the results I wanted.

A few weeks ago I was extremely stressed. My husband said that he hadn’t seen me like that in quite awhile. I was keeping myself so busy that I didn’t have a moment to even realize how stressed I was, until last week when I finally paused.

Heading to New Mexico for a five day silent retreat, I felt like I was diving headfirst into the unknownas you’re never sure what’s going to come up in the silence. You are forced to let go of control, and I could feel how much anxiety this brought up for me.

Sitting in silence for five days allowed me to see the self critical thoughts that still run havoc in my head. They push me to perform and achieve in an effort to please the lash whipping, task master, who is never satisfied.

There was nothing I could do to distract myself or make myself feel better. There was no technology, no work to get done, no alcohol, no shopping, no where to run and hide. Just silence and myself.

I finally had to surrender and give myself a break. I befriended my inner critic and thanked her for all that she’s done to keep me safe. I reminded myself that I am not broken and that I don’t need fixing. I don’t need to “do” or control in order to be safe and be acceptable.

I think the best thing we can do in crazy times is to PAUSE – often – and get to know ourselves better so we can do the healing we need to do and take care of our own needs. When we focus on meeting our own needs, we create one less problem for others to deal with. When we heal ourselves, we help heal the world.

What do you do to take care of yourself in these crazy times? The more chaotic things seem, do you find yourself wanting to control or let go? What we resist persists. Trying to control is like trying to hold back the wave and getting caught in it instead of getting out your surf board and learning how to surf:)

Let us know how you are managing in these crazy times. 

With love,

Lois Sig

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