Finding True Love in Motherhood
Living life as a statistic was not easy. I was faced with difficult choices at a young age and societal pressure wasn’t on my side.
Throughout high school I was so proud and happy to have a serious boyfriend. He was my first true love. Our families did not approve of our love: think Romeo and Juliet, without the tragedy. The more we were forcibly separated by our families, the closer we became. Through our young love and our choices I became pregnant my senior year. This created a world of turmoil for me. While most people my age were preparing for their journey to college, and looking forward to a carefree summer, I was not. I stood in the wake of a storm confronted by my family with shame, guilt and fear. “How could you do this?” they asked. “You have sinned”.
Painful advice followed. If I chose to keep “the pregnancy” I must be prepared. If I chose not to it was an unforgivable sin. And me? I had so many questions. What about my life plans to attend University in Paris? How can I choose anything without failing someone? It didn’t seem fair. I prayed to the pounding waves of the Pacific Ocean,
“Dear universe please show me a sign. Hold my hand. Hold me tight, please show me the light”.
With tears rolling from my eyes I watched the sun slowly disappear from the sky. As I was waiting for a sign, I remembered the wish I often made as a child. I wished for true love, a love without boundaries, or expectations. The kind of love that makes your heart swell and tears fall from your eyes. I would pray to the universe, “Send me an angel of love, for I have so much love to share”. I never thought that by creating this intention, I would be faced with a choice that would change my life forever. By choosing “life” I would enter the sacred world of motherhood when in many ways I was still a child myself.
Without regret, I thanked the universe for granting me my wish: True love. My body became still, my mind calm, and I was sent a message not to worry. In time I would see the light and love this choice would bring me. Nothing could have prepared me for what the universe delivered. A sweet angelic baby boy who swept me off my feet the first time I saw him. I fell breathless each time I held him in my arms. I spent countless hours staring into his clear blue eyes and listening to his soft breathing through the night. His tiny hands grasping my hair made me laugh and smile with delight. My young heart, so swollen with love, cried tears of joy for this boy.
Life is about choices and this was not an easy one. I had no idea that this choice would become my truth. Looking back, would I change anything? Absolutely not. If I had made another choice would my life have been better off? I don’t think so. For me, it is through becoming a mother that I have found true love in my life. To this day the majority of the population assumes teenage pregnancies end in tragedy, mine did not. As difficult as it was, my life beautifully came into full circle. While I never made it to Paris for University, and spent years of my young life as a single mother, I did manage college, a successful career, meeting a loving husband, two more beautiful children, a move to France, and 18 years later an amazing son graduating from the very same high school. At the graduation ceremony, I remembered standing on the same ground with him growing inside me, as I prayed for a bright future for the both of us. I felt we had come full circle. My beautiful son, born out of true love, became my life’s story.
I’ve met many women who like me were faced with the same choice at a young age. It is only through having the courage to share my story that I know this to be true. While some women’s choices or circumstances may not have been the same, it’s quite clear that through sharing our stories, the universe brought us together to help us heal each other. I am grateful to pass on valuable knowledge to other women who may be in need of comfort or guidance. If someday my own daughter is faced with these choices I am prepared. We will face them together with love and compassion.
As difficult as it was, my choice was gracious in giving me a beautiful, healthy son, and countless gifts of knowledge. I learned how to become fearlessly independent. I learned about never giving up. I learned about strength, compassion, resilience, hope, empathy and courage. I learned not to judge others or their choices. I learned how to be truly selfless, which often brought me to tears, but also endless laughter and joy. I learned that a woman’s body is sacred and must be protected and nourished with care. When we learn how to love ourselves, we allow for endless room to love others in a healthy way. I discovered a relationship with God (what God means to me). And I discovered that God’s love is unconditional. It is compassionate and kind. Like the wind, God’s love is always there.