Break-up to Breakthrough
After many heartbreaks over many years, I met the man who I considered to be the love of my life and best friend.
I truly believed all the heartbreaks in the past had happened to lead me to him. We got engaged and I was on cloud nine. A wedding date was set, dress paid for, venue booked, etc. Nine months into our engagement and five months before we were scheduled to get married, he broke up with me. After some investigating, I found out he was lying about the real reason he ended our relationship and discovered he had been living a double life. He had been lying and cheating on me for quite some time. It was absolutely crazy. I felt like I was living a Lifetime Movie. It obviously was not easy but I’m SO grateful to have caught the jerk red handed at his secret home with his new fiancé and seen the truth.
Everyone hears horrible breakup stories but you never think it’s going to happen to you. Then your worst nightmare occurs. It felt like I got hit by a bullet, hit by a bus and stabbed in my heart (you get the point). Literally every person I shared my story with told me that it was the worst breakup story they’d ever heard. It was so ludicrous that I felt people might actually think I was making it up. I’d never experienced so much pain in my life. Anyhow, I cried many nights and couldn’t understand why this had happened to me.
Finally after a several months of feeling sorry for myself, I smacked myself in the face and decided life had to go on. I couldn’t let this get the best of me. I could either dwell on the situation and try to put the puzzle pieces together, or I could shake it off and work on rebuilding a better life. I saw the red flags and caught him in so many lies. I guess I was just crazy in love. I realized that at the end of the day it was better to be single and alone than to be in an unhappy relationship.
After doing some self-evaluating, I realized I was the common denominator in all my past relationships. I allowed men to mistreat me and I’d always been so easy to forgive. The best revenge a woman can take is to be genuinely happy. It was time to work on my self-love. If I didn’t realize my worth and set standards and boundaries for how I needed and wanted to be treated, then of course men would take advantage of that weakness. After realizing this I knew that I needed to take some time to work on myself. Serial dating was not the answer to heal my broken heart. It was time to fall madly in love with myself.
I went to therapy, spent time with my girlfriends, read books, listened to music, cooked, etc. I analyzed my life and thought about my career goals. I’d been in the helping professions for quite some time and always wanted to run my own business. Finally, one day after considering various business possibilities, it dawned on me that life coaching may be a great career for me. So here I am. Being real, opening up, sharing my experiences and life lessons, in hopes that I can help others begin to love themselves.
My biggest piece of advice to my clients is this: Don’t ever try to force your happily ever after. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feeling. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. Sometimes the one you want to be with is the one you’re better off without. Not everyone is meant for everyone – and thank God for that. Stop trying to convince yourself there is hope when you know deep down inside it’s over. Often times the answers are right in front of us. We simply seek to ignore them in hope that things will turn around.
Remember, it is your responsibility to define your own worth. Behave as any self-respecting woman would and free yourself from the pain and suffering. You deserve undying loyalty and devotion. If someone ever makes you doubt what you mean to them, then it’s time to walk away. A man who truly cares for you will make it clear in his actions and inactions. There will be no ‘ifs’, buts,’ ‘ands’, or ‘maybes. If someone walks out of your life, let them. Let go of the need to get an explanation. Their reasons belong to them. Let them keep their opinions. You will more than likely not gain any closure. And that’s okay. When someone leaves that just makes more room for better people.