Finding my way to Shore
A letter to my sisters…
The truth has been weighing heavily on me recently and I am left wondering: Why is it so difficult to live from our truth?
Perhaps it is based in the judgment, vulnerability, and exposure we might encounter…
In my journey I have discovered it takes the spirit of a seeker and the courage of an explorer to know thy truth, and if you want to speak and live from the truth of your soul, it takes desire and practice, perhaps a life time of practice! You may have heard the saying “the truth will set you free”, well, I found that I felt exposed and vulnerable being with my truth. But I am learning to get comfortable with feeling vulnerable.
When I was in my corporate sales career, I never allowed myself to feel vulnerable. I viewed it as a weakness, because I was playing like a man in a ‘man’s world’. When insecurity came up – I shut it down. I knew that all people had masculine and feminine sides, but my masculine side had the power in my life at that time. I didn’t know how to be or how to lead with my feminine energy. Allowing the feminine to have a place in my life now has shown me that it’s a part of my truth, and when I am aligned with it, I feel a sense of true personal power.
But most often our truth is clouded by our insecurities, negative patterns, and false beliefs. Unless we take up the path of personal and spiritual discovery, it can be difficult to tease apart the discourse we have experienced as self through our personality and social conditioning.
“The darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable; and the lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.” (lyrics from Closer to Fine, by the Indigo Girls)
When I finally left the corporate world, I had the opportunity to rest and be. It was hard for me at first being a woman of action, but dwelling in the space of uncertainty acted as my bridge into the soft, true sense of me. The insatiable became sated.
As my waters became still, a core wound floated to the surface and left me engulfed with sadness. A drowning voice painfully cried out; “I don’t feel loved, I can’t see me, I don’t matter.” I recognized this voice. In the past she had been raw and sad, other times loud and demanding. For many years she had been quietly calling out to me from painful body parts; “Notice me, pay attention to me!”
But when I denied it, was angered by it, yelled at it, or ignored it… It just got worse.
Now I am paying attention to my inner voice in a whole new way and allowing myself to just be in the sea of her sadness and feel it without judgment. My process has shifted and I find I am curious as to the origin of the pain. Once I am able to source it, I offer her in a loving voice; understanding and empathy, acknowledgement for her trial and I pour gratitude into her for her strength in surviving it all these years. With full forgiveness and gratitude, I honor her: for she has made me the woman I am today!
My golden take away: the only way to move through this, is to first feel it and to make peace with it. Then I may heal, through acceptance and self-love.
So where does this leave me? Simply in the present moment. I am living in and with my truth, moment by moment. This is a necessary step in my evolutionary process and I accept that this is part of the ebb and flow of my path.
I surrender and I accept.
Letting go creates movement. I feel a release from the heaviness of sorrow. I dip into my center and know with certainty, I will surface and swim to my shore. My shore is a welcoming and loving space within me where I cherish and connect with the divine me. I am rewarded with knowing the deeper truth; I am relevant, I matter and I deserve to thrive! I am more than the wounds born from old stories and false beliefs: we all are.
I share this part of my journey with you, dear sister, out of a desire for you to consciously seek out and know your true beauty. If you find yourself in this place, consider asking: what story am I still perpetuating that is no longer serving me?
I encourage you to lovingly give yourself permission to feel and release the old painful stuff that’s keeping you small. When you do, the promise of movement and liberation will be yours! I invite you to follow your curiosity and take up this journey of knowing the woman you really are. The space that opens up within you will be magical!