In this season of bursting, creating, blooming and coming to life- it seems as if everyone and everything around me is ecstatically happy. The birds have resumed their songs, the buds are pregnant with blossoms, and the college girls are already in tank tops and flip flops. Creative endeavors are the Facebook status theme and everyone appears to be taking life by the reigns. There is no doubt the sun is seducing me outside and the breezes are kissing my skin. However, I find there can also be deep fear and deeper sadness. I don’t know why I seem to fall into self-doubt each spring. Maybe it’s the courage it takes to bloom. What if what I want to create is impossible? What if no-one wants what I have to give? Who am I to teach anybody anything? I’m still so crazy in my own mind, how can I be of any help to anyone? What if I’m never successful? What if I am not enough?
These are some of the thoughts that run through my mind as I weave my next adventures into becoming. I am dreaming up some big plans for my next offering. But who would pay little old me that much money? And how can I find the energy and time to create it? It’s scary to put myself out there! It’s scary to break out of security and reach into the unknown. It’s hard work and it’s exhausting. And! What I’m learning is that though my mind can’t sit comfortably with these heart wrenching doubts and fears, my body can.
My body can feel the sensations and move with them. My body can dance with the emotions and longings and pangs of a tender heart- and it’s a beautiful thing. I can roll around on my bedroom floor and use the ground for support. I can bend my head to my heart and allow the waves of neurotic thoughts to surrender. I can watch my hands circle, reach, spiral and create in the air, what I will someday manifest in the world. I can shake out the thoughts and allow the innate wisdom and the security of home to vibrate through my cells.
So my spring invitation is to let whatever’s arising – arise. Let it be your salvation.
Let it percolate and brew – but not in the head. In the body. In the solar plexus, stomach, pelvis, arms – wherever it’s felt the strongest. Use your favorite song, use silence, use the moonlight. Whatever inspires and holds you. And move move move. That’s the way in, that’s the way through.